California makes me want to puke

Apparently along with being scared shitless you get earthquake sickness too.  I want to puke.  I miss my son tremendously. I miss New Jersey.

But it's a dry heat....

Driving through the Mohave Desert puts things into perspective.  That I would not survive without modern inventions and intervention.  "It's a dry heat" doesn't apply anymore.  It's friggin heat, 102 degrees of hotness that makes you sweat where God never intended you to sweat.  Then comes the chaffing. I'm using so much baby powder when I sat on the bed last night a white cloud emanated from my PJ bottoms.  I am NOT retiring anywhere south of Delaware. So stick that up your a@@.  Did I mention I hate heat? 

Sheldon is in the car. Oh TRAIN!

I have just been compared to Sheldon of the Big Bang Theory.  I have never watched that show.  GASP! shocking, I know right?   Apparently, Sheldon loves trains.  Well, I do too, so every time I see one I feel the need to announce it and take pictures. 
Nawww just kidding about the pictures.

We do manage to visit an overly crowded Hoover Dam.  In 102 degree heat.  Fun times.  Ten bucks for parking left me with a nasty attitude.  Still missing my oldest. 

In the Hall of the Mountain King or

Driving up the mountain to the south rim of the grand canyon, ELO's song In the Hall of the Mountain King came on.  It was perfection.  As the tall pines passed by they kept rhythm with the song. 

Next was the Grand Canyon.  Yet again my family did not feel complete.    The boys were amazed at the natural beauty of the Grand Canyon.  FYI. It's a MILE down. Hence the look of fear on our faces.

Well pardner, John Wayne went thataway.

My kids are assholes.   Mind you I did not raise them that way but when put together they become assholes. Like Stafford and Mumford.  Those two asshole Muppets that insulted the acts on the Muppet Show.
My children did not count the towels at 4 am when we got up and so by the time I got in there were 3 wet towels on the floor and no 4th for me. To be fair all hotels had 4 towels up to this point.  Calling the front desk was a moot point at this point so I opted for a hand towel.  Yes.  A hand towel. 

But then a miracle happened.   Somewhere along the 666 miles of this trip they bonded.  No cell phones came out.  They hummed songs, they watched views they have never seen in their lives.  Even they admitted it was so great not to have cell phones out. 

Should have taken that left turn Albuquerque

Or 

Speed.  I am speed

For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.    -Erma Bombeck

 New Mexico is gowd dang hot.  "But it's a dry heat." Sorry no.  One hundred degrees in the shade ain't right.   Everyone here dresses like they are auditioning for the 1984 movie Footloose.  And with good reason.  Did I mention it's gowd dang hot?

Because if this heat my sons decide to argue over going back in time and mucking with today's archaeologist.  They start this in the middle of a hike to the petroglyphs.

Even with all the 2 sided fighting, its still off.  That third opinion from my son interjecting his opinion was missing.  Well at least today he texted me on how to do his laundry.  

Everything's bigger in Texas or the Langoliers are following me

In Texas everything is big.   The windmills, the prairies and the people's great dispositions.    Now about those windmills... Hundreds span the prairies.  Enough to make you feel like you are in a scene from Stephen Kings Langoliers.  There are so many its as if they are following you through time.  
Texas is amazing.   Prairie everywhere then BAM. Rocky cliff and bluffs.  The windmills soon get replaced by sagebrush and vista views. 

Black Betty is taking us to our final destination in style.  She is covered in bug carcasses an 1/8 of an inch thick.   Frequent windshield cleanings are a necessity on this trip.

Did I mention how fabulously nice Texans are?  Damned polite too. 

Halfway through our route 66 trip.  1139 miles to go. 

Cousin Eddie and the worm farm.

Missouri is HUGE. *insert Trump voice*.  Oklahoma is HUGER *insert Trump voice again.  
Road hypnosis is a real thing.  To keep our sanity DH (I affectionately call him FANG) purchased XM radio with our rental, hence our QX60.  We are quite the sight. Yes that is us cruising along singing ABACAB at the top of our lungs.

My FANG 

3 corners. OK, MO, KS

Closed bridge of rt 66 in Tulsa

Corn, cattle, Bible signs and oil wells dot the scenery.  Bathrooms are few and far between.  Children have the worst habit of having to go to the bathroom after you passed the last one.  Rest stops and towns are up to an hour drive. 

People, for the most part, are awfully friendly. (St. Louis was a bit stiff-shirted IMHO but Chicagoans are damned nice). This morning I had quite the chuckle.  The nice young man clearing our breakfast table asked where we were from.  My reply, of course, was a proud New Jersey.  A shocked look came upon his face.  "You don't sound like you are from New Jersey."My reply was " well we all don't sound like Snookie". What a chuckle he gave.  

Last stop for the night was Tylers BBQ in Amarillo Texas.  It was so good both boys wolfed down their pulled whatevers in less than five minutes.   Everything just tastes better in Texas.   Mmmmmgood. 

I'm NOT done!

Traveling across America a lady learns something very fast.  That the automatic flush toilets were designed by men.  We go in the stall, some of us pre-paper the toilet seat, while others do the crouch.  But by the time it is time for us to wipe, the toilet flushes on us splashing our naked backsides with toilet water. 

I guess I should consider this my Christening across Route 66.

planes trains and automobiles or I'm Radioactive

 Fabulous but hot day in St Louis.  The Gateway Arch was always a bucket list item for me and it was worth every penny I gave them.  The elevator egg(the pod you ride to the top) fit 5 snugly.   I had the fun of being in a pod with a person with a fear of enclosed spaces, and not it wasn't me.  Up to was a fantastic view that took your breath away.

Afterward was the best St. Louis ribs ever.  No singing the blues here.

FIVE stars IMHO.

Then we were off to the Anheuser Busch to see how beer is made and to procure plenty of samples.

Lastly, it was a Cardinals game.

  We are tired and Oklahoma and Texas are very far away.

To Infinity and beyond...

Naming a vehicle you are spending the next 2 weeks in exploring America, is damned near impossible.
Family Truckster?  
Big black poop?  
To Infinity and Beyond?  Eh that's more of the title of our family adventure.   We got lucky enough (the car Gods were with us in the airport car rental counter) and we managed to get the Infinity QX60.  Now for a name.....
The Premium Gas Guzzler?

Yet again missing my oldest son.   He has already missed one rousing game of He Who Smelt it Dealt it.    Dios Mios.  I couldn't find the switch for the sunroof fast enough.  Imagine someone pulled the pin from a grenade and scrambling to find the pin to reinsert it. Same thing.

Stopping in these small towns makes me love my country even more.  Quaint old towns with populations of 600,  that don't bat an eye when you stop to take pictures.  Miles upon miles up in miles of corn take up your viewing pleasure.  This is just a small glimpse into the farming infrastructure of America.  

Atlanta Illinois. Just stop there.  It's small but large in heart.  The gift shop was run by a sweet lady with the most spirited heartland drawl, full of hometown pride.

Miles to go before we sleep in St. Louis.